


I've been all around this world

by ashintuku



Series: I've been all around this world [5]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ace Spectrum, First Order bigotry, Identity Issues, Mentions of Violence, Minor Character Death, Multi, Non-binary character, Polyamory, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Spoilers, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 15:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5932762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashintuku/pseuds/ashintuku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey turned and ran; a battle for another day. </p>
<p>She had to find Poe. </p>
<p>She had to find Finn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've been all around this world

**Author's Note:**

> Changes have been made to previous stories to keep everything consistent.   
> Basically I pulled a George Lucas. At least none of the changes were bad animation.

"I have a bad feeling about this." 

Skywalker-Luke looked over from the reports he was reading; a datapad filled with information on the war that General Organa put together for him because he asked. Because it was about time he started paying attention to the war he saw start, and because at the end of the day he had been a Commander during the Rebel Alliance's fight with the Empire, and this only felt like a continuation of the war he had sworn he saw finished. He looked over at Rey, who sat on the ground in front of him, hands gripping onto her bo staff with white knuckles and brow furrowed so harshly that she was creating a headache for herself. 

Skywalker-Luke put down the datapad, walked over from the window he had been standing in front of, and dropped down to sit on the ground across from her. She looked at him, eyes bright and teeth bared as she chewed her lower lip; watched him and wondered what he was thinking, because she was _better_ than Kylo Ren, she would never look into anyone's thoughts, even if sometimes it would be easier just to take a peek and know what they were thinking. Just to know how to react. 

She wondered how Jedi resisted the temptation. 

"About what?" Skywalker-Luke finally asked, voice tired and raspy and aged, just like everything else about him. She thought back to a holo-picture she had seen on General Organa's desk, back when she, her brother, and her husband had all been young: when Han Solo stood tall and smiled because he was infinitely amused with the universe and because a smile got him out of trouble; when General Organa had been a princess and angry but full of laughter; when Skywalker-Luke was just Luke and bright-eyed with wonder and adventure, just like her. 

She thought back to Wedge Antilles' comment on desert kids sticking together, and her grip on her staff loosened, before tightening once more. 

"All of this. How easily the information came to us. How Nines knew to mention the Alderaan Academy. Don't you think it's strange? Too perfect?" It felt like a scam to her; felt like scavengers picking apart the corpse of something you thought you had lost, and then selling you the pieces for double their worth because you were _desperate_. 

Skywalker-Luke tilted his head, greying hair falling into too-wide eyes, and she watched him back and waited to hear his thoughts. He might have been a desert kid, just like her, but he had become worldly and he knew so much more than she did; and anyway, he grew up on a moisture farm, and everyone knew that moisture farmers had easier lives than scavengers. They had time to think of futures and Greater Things. 

"Han would tell us not to look a gift tauntaun in the mouth, mostly because it would smell horrible," Skywalker-Luke said, smiling a little, and Rey wrinkled her nose and shook her head. The last of the Jedi shrugged, then, looking away from her and over her head. "I have a bad feeling, too, though - but Leia's determined. It feels personal, to her." 

Rey frowned again, glaring down at her knees, and dug her fingers against the worn, sand-beaten metal of her staff. Thought of scamming scavengers and 'troopers with perfect information.

"...I get the feeling that it was meant to." 

~+~

Poe's mother died when he was eight years old, quietly in her bed while her husband and son were asleep. 

Shara Bey had been a woman of life, his grandfather said at the funerary pyre. A woman of honour, and life, and love - who put so much of herself into everything she did and everyone she loved that she could not truly die - because Kes and Poe still breathed, and her legacy still lived, and they would remember her and honour her. They would remember her as Poe swallowed passed the lump in his throat, threatening to choke him with tears; they would remember her as Kes' shoulders shook and he covered his eyes with his hands. 

And then they set her on fire, and Poe ran, and he tried to remember her laughing because that was her absolute favourite thing to do. 

He sat on the top of his X-wing, idly listening to BB-8 as it chattered and beeped at him, telling him that there was a funny little clunky noise inside one of the engines, and could he look into that? BB was worried for its friend; _Black One_ was dependable and as trustworthy as Poe himself. It was a bit humbling and a bit wonderful that his droid compared him to his ship - he knew it meant something. 

Finn was away, in the cells where they kept Nines; Rey in a training room with Luke Skywalker, learning the secrets of the Force and beating her frustrations out in exercise katas and meditation. Poe worried about them both; worried about Rey, scowling down at her hands and whispering to him, furiously, that this all felt like a trap; worried about Finn, who was speaking to an old squadmate, a squadmate who had apparently defected. 

But Rey's nightmares told them that something wrong was going to happen, and Finn covered his ears and pretended not to listen because he didn't want to be so kriffing _alone_ anymore. 

It was one of the first secrets Finn had shared with Poe and Rey, during his recovery in medical; his spine stitched together with bacta and steel. He had been staring at the ceiling, Poe fiddling with BB-8 to make sure it was running as it was meant to, and Rey watching over his shoulder and telling BB what a brilliant droid it was to keep it still. It had been quiet, and peaceful, and one of the few moments all three had felt comfortable in the silence - and then Finn had started to talk. 

He started to tell them about how, in the First Order, many 'troopers gave each other nicknames - because being a designation was tiring, and even cogs in a machine want to have their own unique flaws: a scratch here, a knick there, a slight discolouration. They called each other Nines, and Zeroes; Slip and Shooter, and Sharp. Called each other Five-Oh and Chancer and Triple Eight. They had nicknames and little names and markers that made them an I instead of just a Them. 

And then there was Finn, who had just been FN-2187, sometimes 87 for short, if they _had_ to call him something quick. All alone, in a sea of identical faces; different because of something he called _promise_. 

Finn had told Poe later, in the quiet of the night, when Rey had left the bed because she couldn't stand sleeping next to so many people for much longer, that Finn still felt different. Now he was a 'trooper in a sea of individuals, trying to learn to be more than a number and a mask, and he was so alone it made something yawn wide and empty in his chest. 

Poe hadn't known what to tell him; had just held him. And he worried, now that Nines was with them, that Finn was keeping himself blind so he wouldn't feel so alone anymore. And it made him think again on Shara Bey, who had put so much of herself into everything and everyone she loved--

\--and made him wonder what it was like not to have that much of a self to even _give_. 

~+~

FN-2187 met FN-2199 during lunch when they were still in Phase One of their training; too small for blasters, too tall to get away with being led around corridors by the hand. 

FN-2199 was small, and slight, and Different; with wide, dark eyes and a small, soft mouth with sharp teeth. FN-2199 hated being called _her_ , and asked FN-2187 to call them _them_ \- and he did, but only when they were alone, because in the First Order everything was to standard, and being a _them_ when it was just a _one_ was not standard at all. 

FN-2199 was smart, and sharp, and quick; they made up plans easily, and executed commands even easier. But they were horrible with adapting to sudden changes. 

That was where FN-2187 _thrived_. 

FN-2187 was a decent planner; but it was when a plan went FUBAR - when everything was a mess and 'troopers were theoretically dying that he was in his element. He switched people up, changed the plan, reworked the mission; and his changes always fixed disasters into indisputable victories. 

FN-2187 was praised for his ingenuity and skill at working on the spot. FN-2199 was told _good job_ and _do better_. 

FN-2199 partnered themselves with FN-2187 to do better, and together they were practically unstoppable.

And then FN-2187 became Finn. 

"Why did you decide to defect? You were exemplary." 

Finn shrugged, scratching the back of his neck; the metal of his supportive outer spine peeking out from the soft cotton of his shirt. He liked it best, because it felt like what he imagined a mother's hug was like, soft and warm and just snug enough to soothe. He wouldn't know, though; droids had raised him, and 'troopers in plastoid masks had carried him when he cried, and the Voice over the Intercom told him he was serving something Greater Than Himself. 

"You had _Promise_ ," Nines insisted, leaning forward; the metal of their cuffs _clicking_ against the cold table. The cell was small, with a bed in the corner and a table and a pot where they could piss and shit. It recycled the water every hour, so they didn't sit in their own stink. 

It was so much like their sleeping quarters that Finn felt a strangling kind of nostalgia. 

"You were definitely on the fast-track to becoming an Officer. _She_ had Her eye on you. She always had - you were probably going to one day be Her _second_. And then you defected. Really, really loudly." 

"I wanted to make sure no one confused my actions." 

"You've also developed a sense of humour. It's terrible." 

Finn smiled, and it felt more natural than it had when he first started trying it. He had been young, in Phase Two, getting fitted for his armor and his Mask, and he had seen one of the officers in the black suits make the expression to another. He had turned to the reflective wall of the room they had him waiting in, and he had stretched his mouth out and tried to smile. It was strange; his muscles unused to such things. 

The first time it had ever felt real, he had been sweating, near-panting from anxiety, and a bleeding Poe Dameron smiled at him first - and he realized that it was an expression made for the light, squeezing feeling in his chest when he thought about _freedom_. 

" _Why_ , 87?" 

"Finn," Finn said, sharply, and Nines flinched and leaned back and eyed him. He frowned, tugging at the cuff of the worn leather jacket; burying his face into the collar for a moment and breathing in deeply. It still smelt like Poe; like jet fuel and his aftershave and a dozen, dozen years of putting it through its paces. He imagined, sometimes, that it still smelt like Poe's mother, and Poe's grandfather, too - generation after generation of imprinting their soul into the well-worn lining.

"My name is Finn," he said, looking up at them again. And Nines watched him, face inscrutable, and he wondered for the nth time why they were here, "and that's why I defected." 

~+~

"My brother tells me you have some concerns," a voice said behind Rey, and she jumped, bo staff out and spinning to face whoever snuck up on her. 

General Organa stood in front of her patiently, raising an eyebrow at her aggressive stance, and slowly Rey relaxed herself and put the end of her staff on the floor, leaning against it. She stared at the General for a moment: truly taking in the woman who inspired such loyalty in Poe and seemed to have become something like a mother to Finn in the short time he's known her. 

She was small - smaller than Skywalker-Luke, with sloping shoulders so much like the man in the mask's that she was forced to remember that this was his _mother_. Her face was soft, and worn, and dark shadows sat under her eyes like bruises. She gave warm, soft hugs, and Rey remembered tears in her hair. Remembered a cracking voice saying 'thank you for bringing him back to me before the end of it all', and whenever she looked at her for too long, she felt like crying. 

"Did I startle you?" 

"I was... meditating," Rey said, though that was a lie, and she winced when General Organa raised her other eyebrow and gave her a look that said she didn't believe her. "You were saying something, General Organa? Miss? ...Ma'am?" 

"Leia is fine," General Organa said, and Rey swore to herself she would probably never actually call her that. "Luke was saying you had some concerns about the coming mission." 

"...Yes?" Rey hedged, and Leia nodded, watching her. Rey swallowed, looking away from her again, and blinked hard. "Yes. I do. I just - I don't trust Nines." 

"You trust Finn." 

"That's _Finn_ ," Rey said, shaking her head, and General Organa smiled a little. "Finn is different, Finn is - he's. He's better than Nines. Finn is so much better than Nines. I can feel it." 

"I can, too." Rey whipped around to stare at General Organa, eyes wide and teeth clenched together. 

"Then _why_ \--" 

"We have sent scouts to the remains of the Alderaan system. There _is_ a First Order station there. It's rather big - big enough to host hundreds of Stormtroopers. Perhaps even hundreds of children." General Organa turned away from Rey, her jaw clenched, and for a moment the scavenger thought she was seeing Leia for the first time - an angry woman, full of justified rage and despair, who had lost too much of herself for peace. "Hitting the smaller bases isn't going to do anything." 

"It'll make them think there's more of us--!" 

"By itself, hitting the smaller bases will do _nothing_ ," General Organa repeated, turning to Rey again; her eyes hard. Rey stood up straighter and pressed her lips together. "But combine that with taking out an Academy...Taking out probably the _first Academy_ \--" 

"...it will throw them," Rey said softly, and General Organa nodded, once, harshly. Rey's grip on her staff tightened and she looked at the woman in front of her. "I still don't think Nines is giving us this information out of _kindness_." 

General Organa looked back at her for a long time, and Rey forced herself to keep the eye-contact; fighting back tears and a feeling that ate away at her stomach like guilt for not bringing Han Solo back to her for good. 

"You're probably right," she finally said, and Rey's shoulders slumped as she turned away and sighed; tired and aged and worn down by war once again, "but what else can we do?"

~+~

He heard that Finn and the Stormtrooper Nines were in a training room, sparring. 

The thought of Finn sparring with someone with his exact training, but not as _free_ as Finn himself, made something uncomfortable and cold curdle in his stomach. He made his way to the training room at a brisk pace, and was joined by Rey, who was holding her staff tightly and holding herself together even more so.

"You heard?" 

"Lu-- Skywalker came and told me," Rey said, looking over at him; jaw clenched together so hard that Poe could see the tendons of her neck standing out. He reached out and touched her elbow, but she shied away from him, and he knew that the scavenger-turned-Jedi didn't want physical contact at all just then. 

It was interesting, trying to learn Rey and Finn at the same time, because both had little contact all their life outside of the violent, and yet they reacted to touch in completely opposite ways. Finn _thrived_ on touch - hand-holding, hugs, forehead kisses, kisses in general, back pats. Anything that made him remember he was a _person_. 

Rey generally hated it when people touched her. She jerked away and glared at them until they backed off. Finn could hold her hand and hug her; Poe could wrap an arm around her and tug her closer. She leaned into them and into Luke Skywalker's paternal touches and General Leia's maternal comforts. 

But sometimes Finn closed off because he was overwhelmed, and sometimes Rey shook them both off because something turned animal in her mind and she was scared, and Poe was still trying to figure out the signs. 

He was learning, though. That was the important thing. 

"What about you?" Rey finally asked, looking at him again. "Who told you?" 

"Testor - Jess," he clarified when she gave him a confused look. "One of my pilots, you know her. She seemed worried." 

Rey had nothing to say to that, and the two of them came to the training room just in time to see Nines being tossed across the room but landing on their feet. 

The two of them were stripped down to plain black clothes; Nines in a breast band and fitting shorts, Finn in a pair of sweatpants that Poe was pretty sure were actually his and not the ex-'trooper's. Their brands - _FN-2187_ and _FN-2199_ \- stood out against their skin; their scars highlighted in the harsh light of the training room. 

Nines was small and compact with very little fat to them. They had scars along their stomach and ribs, many of them near-identical to the ones that Finn had on his own body. The metal of Finn's supportive spine gleamed dully; the two of them circled one another, dark eyes locked on each other, intent on their match. 

Along the wall, two guards and the training sergeant stood watching, the guards holding batons and the sergeant holding what looked like a timer. 

Poe noted that Finn was taller and larger than Nines; that Finn looked stronger and more capable. Nines was so _small_ , and he wanted to know how this was fair at all--

\--and then Nines darted forward, tripping Finn up so that he landed hard on his back. They moved to strike at his neck, and Finn rolled over and flipped back onto his feet, breathing harshly. Nines stumbled forward, momentum catching them; Finn grabbed the back of their neck and lifted them up before throwing them back down to the ground. Nines rolled back to their knees, twisting to face Finn, and-- 

"TIME!" The sergeant cried out, and both looked over to him before Nines was scrambling to their feet and Finn was stepping back. They looked at each other, both breathing harshly. Nines then tilted their head. 

"You've gotten slower," they remarked, and Finn shrugged. "Weaker, too. You used to stun people when you threw them in that last move." 

"I've been recuperating," Finn said easily, "and teaching people how 'troopers fight. Plus I don't want to hurt anyone sparring." 

"People get hurt." 

"I've learned that they don't get hurt in practice, if they can help it." 

Nines gave Finn a strange look, as if seeing him for the first time; they didn't resist when the guards came forward and clamped the handcuffs back onto their wrists, leading them away. Finn then turned to see Poe and Rey, and he smiled at them. 

"Rey! Poe!" 

"Finn!" Rey rushed over; Poe followed more sedately, looking at Finn as if seeing him properly for the first time. Rey stopped in front of Finn, looking up at him and seeming to hesitate; Finn reached out and grasped her shoulder, squeezing. "You're okay? You didn't hurt your back?" 

"The training sergeant taught me how to land on my back without hurting myself. I'm fine." He smiled at her, wide and bright and the sun, and he turned to Poe again. "Poe? You okay? You're quiet." 

"Just thinking, buddy, no worries." Poe smiled at him easily, the lazy half-grin he was known for, and Finn watched him for a second before nodding and falling into easy conversation with Rey as she fussed at him and grumbled at him for worrying her. 

He had to stop forgetting that Finn was not trained to be gentle - that Finn _chose_ to be gentle, instead. 

~+~

When Finn went to bed that night, Rey wasn't in the room and Poe was still awake, fiddling with a datapad. As soon as he walked into the room, though, the ace pilot put aside the pad and turned to him, and Finn realized that Poe had been waiting for him. 

"Poe?" 

"Tell me about the Academy?" 

Finn blinked, stared at Poe for a moment, and then shucked off the leather jacket and draped it carefully over the back of Poe's desk chair. He then went over to the bed, climbing onto it and sitting across from Poe; their knees touching as he crossed his legs. 

"Mine in specific?" 

"It's the one we're planning on going after, so, yeah." 

Finn pursed his lips, stared at Poe for a moment, and then reached out his hands. Poe took them immediately, lacing their fingers together and pressing a kiss to his knuckles; but he still watched him, waiting, and Finn sighed a little. 

"Do you need information--" 

"I want to know about your childhood, Finn. What the First Order gave you for a childhood." 

Finn licked his lips. "The First Order didn't give us a childhood." Poe squeezed his hands, and he sighed. "My first memory is a huge room. It was white and sterile and I was probably around four years old. That's when they send us to the Academies to start our training." 

"Where were you kept before?" 

"If we weren't taken by the Order as infants, but around the age they'd take us to the Academies, they would take us to a medical station; have our minds wiped of any memory of a family. I used to think I was one of those kids, y'know - a kid taken from their family. Maybe I was. But I'm pretty sure I'm not." 

He breathed in deeply, shaking his head again. 

"When we go to the Academy, for the first while they put us through medical processing. We go to get all of our vaccines, and then we go to check that we don't have any permanent ailments or health mutations. Then we start getting enhancements. For the first while, they're given to us through food and drink, but then as we progress through what's called Phase Zero, they introduced surgical enhancements. Things to strengthen bone marrow, or muscle development. Eyesight and hearing, too. Sometimes, they implanted things into our brains to make thought processes faster - it's probably why I'm such a 'quick study', we're literally made to adapt to situations. To understand things quickly. Those with more potential than others get more enhancements; typically the average foot soldier doesn't get the brain enhancement, for example." 

"But you did." 

"I was told throughout my whole life that I had _Promise_. That I could be something great. She--" 

"She?" 

"...Captain Phasma. My Captain, the only 'trooper I knew with a name. She always had her eye on me, ever since I was young. She's one of the older 'troopers - a couple of years older than me. Maybe closer to your age?" He shook his head, scrunching up his nose. "Sorry, anyway. Uhm. We went through medical processing until we hit the right height and age for Phase One. That's when we're assigned our designations. They keep us in our age groups to make it easier, I think." 

Finn swallowed, looking down at their hands, and Poe squeezed them again. 

"...Alderaan Academy was meant to be symbolic. The First Order made the first Academy there for a reason - the Empire destroyed the planet and its people. Destroyed the home of General Leia Organa, leader of the Resistance. And now the First Order was going to bring the glory of the Empire back - bring it back and make it _more_ \- from the place of one of their greatest victories. I was taught my whole life that we Stormtroopers were going to bring peace and prosperity back to the galaxy. That we were going to crush the Resistance and make them regret ever bringing our worlds to chaos." 

He stopped, and closed his eyes, and when Poe tugged him closer to he followed until he was sitting on his lap and burying his face in his chest. 

"It's still hard to know that it was all a _lie_."

~+~

Even though she did not trust it, the day came that the Resistance prepared to send their troops to the Alderaan Academy to free the children and take out the station; to let the First Order _know_ they were not safe, not safe at all. 

It was still early when she woke up, Poe and Finn curled into each other. She had slept dreamlessly, but it brought her no comfort; the feeling of something _wrong_ stuck to the back of her mind like sand in her shoes and clothes, yet she could not shake it out. It stuck with her as she left the room to meditate; stuck with her as she wandered the base and greeted those who were up at the early hour. 

She found herself in the prison cells, and she asked to see Nines the Stormtrooper, who had been part of Finn's unit and was not _good_ like _Finn_. 

She was led to a small room in the back, and the door closed behind her as Nines stared at her from the other side of the room. Their wrists were still in manacles, and they were dressed in drab grey; their hair looking longer than it had when they had first been brought to the base. 

"You're the Jedi," they said, turning to her completely. Their eyes were wide, and dark, and strangely coloured, and Rey wondered for the first time if Nines knew they were not human. "The scavenger." 

"You're Nines," Rey said, standing by the door, watching them. Nines said nothing; did not move. They just kept staring at her, and she held back a shudder. "You knew Finn." 

"Yes." 

"Are you helping us because you knew Finn?" 

Nines blinked again, before they smiled; and their small, soft mouth stretched wide to reveal fangs, and Rey clenched her teeth and did not react. 

"What do your feelings tell you?" 

Rey left without another word. 

~+~

"How did we get our hands on a First Order transporter?" 

"Dumb luck," General Leia said, looking over at Poe and smiling humourlessly. "That's how we've always come across anything helpful. Simple, dumb luck. And perhaps Jedi influence, but my brother insists he had nothing to do with the transporter. I'm inclined to believe him. He has no idea how to fly a transporter." 

Poe nodded, standing beside her and looking over the numbers as they cranked out information. Down on the tarmac, pilots were running to their fighters and doing last minute adjustments. Usually, he would be with them, but not this time. 

He would be flying the First Order transporter carrying Finn and a select few from his unit to fly into the Academy proper. 

"How did we get the uniforms?" 

"Well, the transporter certainly wasn't abandoned," Statura stated from the other side of the holo projector, staring at the numbers as if looking for the numerical equation for victory and good fortune. "We made sure not to hit the plastoid armor." He looked over at Poe, then, smiling grimly. "I believe I've heard you say once that you'd like to have a proper adventure, just like Luke Skywalker and Han Solo." 

"I'm regretting ever saying that, for some reason, sir," Poe said with a tight smile. Statura laughed, but it was not a harsh one; it was actually amused. Poe relaxed a little. 

"You'll get to dress up as a 'trooper, is all," Statura assured, and Poe made a noise and looked away from him. After another few minutes of silence, the only sound the beeps and whistles and dings of machinery, Poe looked over to see General Leia looking at him; all traces of humour gone from her face. 

"You best get ready, Commander," she said, and he nodded and sketched a salute. When he turned to step away, however, she reached out and gripped onto his arm, and he looked back at her. "...Try to make sure you all come home." 

Poe looked at her for a long moment, before reaching up and squeezing her hand with his. 

"Always, ma'am." 

~+~

"Rey's not here." 

Finn looked over to see Poe in pilot black, the helmet under his arm as he looked around the tarmac. Niels, Len, Blackjack and Pansy were milling around the ramp of the transporter, the rest of the small team - Hana and T'keigh, who would not be playing dress-up - sitting in the bowels of the transporter and getting ready. Finn felt constricted in the white armor; the Mask under his arm, a familiar weight that was not comforting like the leather jacket was. 

It made him a little sick to see people he cared about in the uniform white and the pilot black, but he knew it was necessary. 

"I don't think she's coming this time," Finn said, feeling a tight little ball in his stomach tighten. "She doesn't like this mission. She doesn't trust it. She might be trying to meditate." 

He couldn't be sure; he hadn't seen Rey since the night before, when she crawled into bed hours after Poe and Finn had talked, tucking herself against his back and breathing warmly against his metal spine. When he had woken up, she was already gone, and he got the feeling that she wouldn't be found unless she wanted to be. 

Poe was frowning, though, the crease between his brows tight and deep. Finn stepped towards him and touched his arm; when he didn't react, he took his hand, palm to palm. Poe blinked. 

"I actually felt that." 

"It's the only part of the uniform that's soft enough to feel anything," Finn said with a shrug. "They make it flexible so we can fire our blasters without problems. Some 'troopers who were close used it to show intimacy. Anyone who was caught was decommissioned, of course." 

"I have heard you and Nines say that far too many times, Cap," Blackjack said, and Finn looked away when Poe grinned at the title. "What does it even mean?" 

"What do you do when you decommission a droid?" Finn asked instead, looking away from them and putting on the helmet. He breathed in, and the air filtered through the Mask and made him want to gag. Silence answered him, and he turned to see the others staring at him, none of them looking like they wanted to say the answer. Finn decided to answer for them; the Mask scanning them and telling him the uniforms' designation numbers because Stormtroopers weren't people, just tools. 

"You throw them away." 

~+~

Rey stood back with Skywalker-Luke, watching as first the fighters took off, and then the First Order transporter, before she turned and quickly walked away. BB-8, not allowed to go with them, followed after her and whirred worriedly. 

"I don't like it either, BB-8," she said to the little droid, looking down at it before looking forward again. "I don't." 

She had no idea where she was going until she was in front of the cell doors again. She stared at it, eyes narrowed, before she punched the button and stepped inside. BB-8 followed after her, sticking close to her legs; a humming, warm ball of metal and gears that made her think of Poe.

"Back?" 

"What did you just send them on?" 

Nines looked over to Rey, sitting on their bed; their shackled hands on their lap. They looked uncomfortable, despite the fact that they had more movement than they ever had in the uniform. Rey wondered if they felt naked; she hoped they felt unprotected. 

"They sent themselves." 

"You told them about the Academy." 

Nines inclined their head, still staring at Rey, and Rey scowled. 

"Did you know you're a Keshian?" 

"A what?" 

"A Keshian," Rey said impatiently, flapping her hand around. "They see more colour spectrums than humans. You're a Keshian. Did they ever tell you that? Or did they tell you that you were nothing, just like all the other 'troopers? That you would bring glory to the First Order and peace to the galaxy and all of that _wampa piss_?" Nines said nothing, and Rey stepped forward. "Did they force you to call yourself _she_? Did they make you act in a way that made you feel _wrong_? Answer me!" 

"The First Order was the only home I ever had. Was the only home any of us ever had. FN-2187? Myself? All of the FN-21s? We were given to the First Order. So many others were taken, and later on many were born into it through the Breeding Program. But the FN-21s, we were never stolen. Never born into it. We were the only 'troopers that were handed over. For a _sum_."

"How do you know?" 

"Those files I handed over - there are sales transactions included. Your General knows. Your pilot probably knows. I'm surprised he hasn't brought it up." 

"What are you talking about." 

"Your _Finn_ was sold to the First Order by his family for extra money, because they were desperate and they needed to feed their other children. I was the same. We were barely two years old. The First Order gave the families money, and they took us, and they raised us. Nine hundred and ninety-nine of us." They leaned forward, baring their sharp teeth, and Rey snarled back, haunches raised; Skywalker-Luke's calm falling away like Jakku sand between her fingers, replaced by the patient rage she had swallowed down every time Unkar Plutt opened his mouth. 

" _It was the only home I ever had_." 

"Jakku was the only home I have ever had, or ever remember having," Rey spat out, moving towards Nines so that she could loom over them. "Unkar Plutt was the only caretaker I could ever recall. I stayed there, for _years_ , because I thought I had to. But I learned that I didn't have to. I learned I didn't have to _wait_ for anything anymore. Not my family. Not for anything to become right. Jakku was my home but I hold no loyalty to it. You don't have to hold any loyalty for yours, either." 

"That's not remotely the same--" 

Rey waved her hand again, and Nines shut their mouth, glaring at her. She glared right back. 

"No, it's not. But it _is_ , because at the quick of it is the question of whether you should be loyal to a place or to an idea or to _people_. Jakku _was_ my home. Finn _is_ my home. Is the First Order still _your_ home?"

~+~

The first time he had heard about Stormtroopers, Poe was nine years old and his father was finally telling him about the war. 

His mother and father had never told him much about the fighting they had done the first few years of his life. They had never explained to him who they were fighting or why; just that they were fighting with the good guys and they would be home soon. Some nights, Kes Dameron walked around the house as if to walk off the monsters; other nights, Shara Bey crept into Poe's room and woke him up, just so they could go outside and look at the stars, and she'd tell him stories about the systems that were out there and the planets and the people. She always looked so tired, so drained, but her hugs were still warm and her jacket still smelt the best and he never brought up that he noticed anything was wrong. 

But then Shara Bey was dead, and Kes Dameron couldn't keep it all to himself anymore, so he started telling his son stories about the Stormtroopers. Men in white, marching row upon row, never looking back - _never_ running away. Always one step in front of the other. 

Kes Dameron told him that they had been clones; that they were programmed, from the moment of their existence, to fight and obey and die for an Emperor who had been killed many years before; when Poe was two and still could be carried by his grandfather when he cried.

Kes Dameron taught his son that 'troopers were not really people at all. And Poe carried that with him, all his life, even when all the clones were gone, up until the moment one terrified 'trooper pulled off his helmet and asked him if he could fly a TIE fighter. 

Now, wearing the suit of a dead man, who had been raised to fight and obey and die for a leader who had hid in the shadows for many years, Poe wondered if those clones hadn't been less than people after all. 

~+~

_'Troopers walk in two-by-twos_ , Finn told himself, staring into the black eyes of the Mask. The transporter rocked, and his unit rocked with it, speaking in soft voices; the creak of under armor and plastoid armor filling the room. It was startling and familiar and he hated it, he _hated it_ , and he wanted Rey so badly but she was on the base. She was on the base, and she hadn't said goodbye, and it made something twist in his stomach. 

_'Troopers keep their blasters out at all times_ , he reminded himself, and his fingers twitched on the Mask. He remembered Nines, sitting in their cell, looking at him with their dark, dark eyes and telling him he had become _soft_ , and he told them that he _liked_ being soft. 

He wanted to be like the leather jacket, supple and smooth from age; wanted to be like General Leia Organa's hands, which had calluses like his but still reached out in kindness and pressed against his cheek. He sometimes thought that maybe she would be what a mother was like. Made him wonder what his own mother was like. Made him wonder if she missed him, or if she remembered him at all. 

_'Troopers do not speak on patrol_ , he reminded himself, and it was startling, _startling_ , how easy it was to fall back into old mantra-habits. Startling how easy it was to lose softness and become metal and plastoid and steel once more. 

_'Troopers do not feel emotions_ , he told himself, and just for spite, he _hated_ it.

~+~

"They're heading to a trap," Rey said as soon as she walked into the war room. General Organa and Skywalker-Luke looked over to her as one and she was reminded that they were twins; made her wonder if they became a whole person when they were together, with Skywalker-Luke's kindness and faith and strength in the spiritual Force and General Organa's anger and determination and strength in the more practical Force.

BB-8 bumped into her calf, then, and she was jostled out of her thoughts in time to see General Organa moving towards a holo-display; Skywalker-Luke walking quickly over to her. 

"How do you know?" 

"Nines confessed it," Rey said, feeling a tightness in her throat that she knew very well was fear. She was scared and Poe and Finn were heading towards a trap and the vision of Finn dying in Poe's arms flashed through her mind again and again and _again_ \-- 

"Rey," Skywalker-Luke touched her face, and she was dragged out of her own mind, looking up into Luke's too-wide blue eyes; and he cupped her cheek and pressed his metal hand to her shoulder. For some reason, it made her feel safe and supported and like she wanted to cry. 

"We'll fix this." 

" _How_?" Rey asked, and Luke smiled at her, and it was the realest smile he had ever given anyone since he had been found. 

"Have faith."

"What he means is," General Organa said dryly, looking away from a screen with an unfamiliar man's face projected in front of her, " _dumb luck_." 

~+~

Just once, when Poe had properly joined the Resistance and was getting to know his surroundings and the people he would be working with, General Leia had sat with him in the cantina and told him stories. 

Many were stories he knew, heard when he was a child from the lap of his mother and father and grandfather all; stories about the Death Star and the trash compactor and the now-infamous message _help me Obi-Wan Kenboi, you're my only hope_. 

But General Leia's tales were personal, and sometimes she didn't talk about the well-known stories. Sometimes she spoke about the less-known; the quiet horror as Darth Vader held her shoulders too-tightly while Tarkin obliterated her world, despite making her think he would spare it if she gave him what he wanted. 

She always talked about the spires of Alderaan before she talked about its destruction; spoke about the balconies and the mountain ranges and the grass seas. Her father had held her on his shoulders for as long as he could, showing her the _wonder_ of their world, and the people always smiled and cried out _Princess!_ when they saw her with her mother. They dressed in grace and starlight, and were true peacekeepers, and sometimes when she spoke, Nien Nunb, who had sat next to her when she sat down, would reach up and touch the silver necklace that rested around his throat; and Poe wondered at the story of it. 

She spoke at length about how wonderful Alderaan had been: how beautiful, how generous and full of _life_ \- so much of her home in herself - that Poe sometimes forgot that Alderaan had been destroyed by the Empire. 

At least he had, until the moment they dropped out of lightspeed and were floating among the ruins of a society over thirty years dead. 

~+~

Looking out into the asteroid field that had once been a planet, Finn stared at the distant shape of the Academy and it felt, strangely, like coming home. 

~+~

Wedge Antilles appeared practically out of nowhere, a tall, dark man in his wake behind him, and Rey felt something smooth and familiar settle over her neck and shoulders. 

"Rey," Luke started, stepping up to her side, "this is--" 

"Lando Calrissian," Rey breathed out, and the man blinked at her before grinning; and it was a nice grin, a _charming_ grin, and she knew a conman when she saw one. "You flew the _Falcon_." 

"I did do that," Lando Calrissian smiled, agreeing. He came to a stop in front of her, sizing her up and down for a moment, before nodding and crossing his arms over his chest. "So you're Han's girl. Chewie's told me all about you - I'm glad to finally put a face to a name." 

Rey blinked, and something tight squeezed her heart before it loosened and settled around her like warmth and softness and leather and aftershave, and she breathed in shakily before looking over to Wedge Antilles and frowning. 

"I need to get to the Academy before Kylo Ren kills my friends," she said, and it hurt her to say it so plainly but it was _true_ , and she needed to be fast. "It's nice to see you again, Wedge Antilles, and it's nice to meet you, Lando Calrissian, but I _need to go_ \--" 

"--and we're here to help," Wedge Antilles said, holding up his hands and smiling. "You can't go on your own. It's stupid." 

"And you need cover - the _Falcon_ is well known." 

Rey frowned, before her eyes widened and she looked between both men, lips parted a little as if she couldn't quite breathe. 

"You mean--" 

"I know a thing or two about flying into a trap and surviving it," Lando Calrissian said, and Rey laughed weakly; she knew the stories, she had heard them from Chewie and Luke and even Admiral Ackbar, who had sat next to her when she was meditating one day and just started talking. It was strange, and he smelt strongly of fish, but it was one of the nicest memories she had. 

She felt like this meeting, too, would be one of the nicest memories she would have, allowing it to replace another day of waiting on burning sands for someone who was never coming back. 

" _Thank you_." 

~+~

Poe flicked a few switches and checked their trajectory path before allowing the ship to float carefully amongst the rubble. He then walked out of the cockpit and down to the deployment hangar, where Finn and his people were waiting around. 

"We know the plan?" he asked as soon as he saw them. The suit was a little big on the shoulders, and he shifted uncomfortably and felt that this was some kind of metaphor. "We go in, put all the kids in the escape shuttles Finn's told us about - you guys will have to override some codes, I hope you're good at that - and once it's confirmed they're all off we bomb the place to hell and back." 

"It's a very loose plan," Len said softly, rapping a knuckle on his helmet. Poe shrugged and grimaced in agreement. 

"It is, but we really don't have the resources for anything bigger or more organized. You lot will be leading the kids to the escape shuttles. Finn says that usually there's more droids than 'troopers around." 

"There's about six stationed there, plus their commanding officer." 

"Why so few?" Niels asked, rolling his shoulders back.

"Probably something horrific like not letting the kids have actual human interaction or something," Poe said, trying to sound flippant but mostly landing in the area of 'bitter and likely to punch a 'trooper in the face'. Everyone else outside of Finn in the room nodded; they knew the feeling. 

Poe then looked over at Finn, seeing him still staring down at the mask; he reached out, tangling their fingers together and squeezing, and Finn smiled a little bit but didn't look up. 

"It'll work, buddy." 

Finn closed his eyes, squeezing his hand and exhaling slowly. 

"Yeah. It'll work." 

~+~

"Why are there so few 'troopers stationed here?" Poe asked, and Finn tilted his head towards him but didn't look at him. 

"There's only enough to lead the younger children. Enough to keep an eye on the control room and make sure droids are following their protocols and not going rogue." 

"Rogue droids?" 

"It was known to happen. They'd get a virus, try to save the kids. Or kill the kids. It depended on the droid's definition of 'save' after the corruption." Finn paused, looked over to see Poe staring at him instead of the asteroid field, and shrugged a little. "Corrupted data would get into the system. I'm not sure how, they never told me." He never asked. "The droids are used for everything in the Academies. They raise us, teach us, cloth us and feed us until we can dress and feed ourselves. I think it's meant to get us used to not touching anyone. Kinda made us associate touch with coldness or metal or discomfort." 

"You seem to adore touch." 

"...I was always a little bit weird." 

Poe turned back to the controls, guiding them towards the Academy. Somewhere, the rest of Blue and Red Squadrons were floating just out of the periphery of hyperspace, waiting to bomb the Academy on Poe's command. Finn's hands tightened on the back of the chair. 

"Finn?" 

"I just... I have a bad feeling, Poe." 

"...So do I."

~+~

Rey had always known to follow her instincts when it came to knowing people. 

She knew to keep Unkar Plutt, who had given her food until she could work for it, at a distance because Unkar Plutt was the worst kind of person, and she knew that because everything about him was twisted and swamp-green and _oily_. Rainbow colours of terribleness slicked through a mashed face and thick fingers that left bruises on pale, sun-burnt skin. 

She knew to trust the woman who taught her how to fight for as long as it took to learn, and then to cut her off because she was too good and too loud and one day, Rey found her in the belly of a Stardestroyer, her throat slit and the blood on the sandy-metal ground dry and cracking. She knew she had been good, but not great, and she knew that the woman would have killed her just as easily as someone else killed her. So she scavanged her corpse and took the pieces no one had thought worth something back to Unkar Plutt and traded metal for rations. 

She knew the moment she met Finn, despite BB-8 calling him a coat-thief and all sorts of creative things, that she could trust Finn. That Finn might have been scared and more likely to run than anything else, but when it came to something big - something _important_ \- Finn was going to turn around and come right back; fighting every instinct in him to _keep safe_ because he couldn't stand to see cruelties and injustices in the world. 

She knew when she first met Poe, after hugging him and the awkward-stiff silence afterwards, that the pilot was softened sunlight and a steadfast hand. Someone she knew would do what needed to be done, no matter what, but still try to make things _good_ and _fun_ and _nice_ \- knew in his smile and the way he messed up his hair when he was nervous. Knew in the delicate handling of BB-8's forever-twisting antenna and the delicate way he held the General's hand when no one else was looking and General Organa needed to be weak. 

So when it came to following Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca onto the _Millennium Falcon_ , giving up her co-pilot seat to be the passenger for once since she inherited the piece of legendary garbage, she knew he wouldn't let her down. Knew like she knew Unkar Plutt's oily rainbow wickedness or the woman's kindly desperation or Finn's inherent _goodness_ and Poe's blatant _generosity_. 

Knew that when he told her he would get her through whatever trials this would throw at them; get her through them, and to her boys, so that the nightmares would not come true, that he was telling the truth. 

~+~

"The is JF-0001." 

" _JF-0001, you were scheduled to arrive with relief two night cycles ago_." 

"JF-0932 became ill. We had to decommission him when he refused to improve." 

The words felt slick and greasy and wrong in his mouth, and Poe swore to himself that when they got home, he would wash his mouth out with soap to get rid of the feeling entirely. 

For now, though, he watched as clearance was given and he pulled the transporter into the Academy, fingers clutching his stomach and Finn finally disappearing entirely behind the helmet.

~+~

Finn breathed in deeply, squared back his shoulders, and quietly told himself not to panic; that he was only in the suit, holding a blaster, walking the halls of a First Order space station because the Resistance needed him to. Told himself that he was not sliding back to old habits; that he did not miss the Order or its rigid lifestyle which never gave people free time or free license or _freedom_. 

He stepped out of the transporter, Len beside him, Blackjack and Niels behind them and Pansy taking up the rear - only five out of six supposed Stormtrooper reliefs, explained by decommissioning. 

(Pansy had broken into the database of the transporter, learned its mission and objective, and they had been able to build a story through that. They learned their designations through the helmet's scanning systems; Finn teaching them how to stand and how to walk and how to _breathe_ so no one was ever the wiser. Len called him a good teacher; Finn felt a little bit sick.)

They stopped before a 'trooper with the shoulder badge of a captain - not a Captain, not like _Her_ , but someone in charge all the same. She looked them over, before nodding and turning to the six 'troopers just behind her. 

"You stand relieved." 

"Ma'am!" 

"JF-0021." 

Finn blinked, before stepping forward; reminding himself he was no longer _Finn_ , no longer _FN-2187_ , but someone completely new, now. Reminded himself that he was a blank slate and could be whoever the Resistance needed him to be, because being an individual was still difficult and he still didn't know if he could manage it. 

(He wished he could, _he wished he could_ \- wondered about his Mother and his Father and his real name, not the one Poe gave him because he didn't want to call him numbers; wondered who he had been, when he was small and the First Order's droids hadn't cradled him to sleep. Sometimes he liked to imagine he could hear his Mother's singing, but then it would turn into the familiar drone of medi-droids and the clicking of machines, and he would know he was making up an entirely new identity for himself again. 

One day he'd get it right. One day he'd be a person. Just not today.)

"You and your squad will go to Orientation immediately." 

"Ma'am," Finn stood straighter, blaster lifted in the 'trooper salute. 

"You have been given schematics of the Academy?" 

"Yes, ma'am," Finn lied, but he remembered the Academy like he remembered the knife-bright pain of a 'sabre across his spine; the metal pressing into skin and bones under the armor because 'trooper armor was never meant to accommodate such things. He knew the hallways, the doors he couldn't enter, and the little places he could tuck himself into just to breathe for a second; because he always felt out of breath, like the Academy was allowing the oxygen to die off, and Finn was only aware now that he'd been on the edge of a panic attack every day of his damned life. 

"Report to the Orientation Chamber promptly. It should take you an hour. Once that is through, you will begin your duties. Is that understood?" 

"Ma'am!" 

The captain nodded, turned on her heel, and left without another word. Finn made the others stand there for a moment before looking back at them. They shifted, stilled, and waited. 

"Pansy will override the codes to ensure the shuttles reach Resistance space. Len and Blackjack, you're going to gather the older children - the seven-to-ten groupings. Niels and I will get the four-to-six groupings. We'll set them up in the shuttles first." 

"And everyone eleven and older?" 

"Eleven-to-fourteen are always bunked close, and fifteen-to-eighteen are in the hall across from them. We'll get to them afterwards. They'll be harder - we'll probably be caught by then." 

"You're expecting to be caught?" 

"Yes," Finn nodded, turning back around. "I am." 

~+~

"Red Squadron, Blue Squadron, this is the Lando Calrissian flying the _Millennium Falcon_. We are approaching your coordinates." 

" _Millennium Falcon_ , this is Blue Three - requesting to know why you're here?" 

Rey leaned over Lando's shoulder and stared out the window to see the squadrons of fighters waiting patiently for a signal that was never going to come - not if she failed. 

"Well, Blue Three," Lando said conversationally, smiling even while his entire body was rigid and grim like she always imagined it to be in the pilot seat, "as Admiral Ackbar would say - _it's a trap_." 

~+~

Poe knew something went completely wrong the moment two 'troopers boarded the transporter and forced him to his feet. One held onto his arm, their blaster aimed towards him, while the other went through the ship; only returning when T'keigh and Hana were in his custody. 

"Take the prisoners to the detention centre." The one holding Poe ordered, before jostling him forward. "Take this one in for questioning." 

"Shall I alert the Captain?" 

"Yes. She'll let him know we found them." 

The other 'trooper nodded, turning and pushing Hana and T'keigh out of the transporter. Poe turned to look at his 'trooper, swallowing and daring to speak. 

"Captain? Him?" 

"Captain Phasma has been waiting very patiently for your arrival, rebel scum," the 'trooper said, voice a blank, and Poe remembered when Finn had sounded like that, only once, very briefly; his head a cloud of blood-mist and pain and ghost-fingers in the creases of his brain, "our most esteemed guest even longer." 

Before Poe could ask who he meant, a third 'trooper appeared, took him by the arm, and dragged him out. 

~+~

Finn led them to the shuttles and left Pansy there to work her magic; he led them down hallways and towards the younger children; memory guiding his marching feet, and he remembered wandering, scared and cold, as a child here. 

He had always been scared. He had always been cold. He had shut himself off from both to survive. 

Finn breathed, and forced himself to stay scared and cold and aware. 

~+~

Rey remembered the first time Luke, when he was Skywalker, showed her how to truly reach out and grasp the Force. 

She remembered the tight, breathless feeling in her chest; the way her throat constricted and her eyes stared up into the sky and only saw stars and suns and galaxies. 

When she came back, he had looked at her for a long moment and told her 'it's terrifying, isn't it? The Force?' 

And what could she do but nod, because it had been; it had been terrifying, nothing at all like the soothing guidance she had experienced during her first battle against Kylo Ren. But Skywalker had smiled the first of the Luke smiles, touched her shoulder with his flesh hand, and told her that admitting she was terrified was _good_. 

Ben had never admitted he was scared. Ben had acted as if the Force had always been his friend. 

The Force was no one's friend. It was a guide; it was all around the galaxy, slipping through the lives of every living thing from sentient being to plant life. 

She remembered that she had cried. 

Now, watching as X-wing fighters weaved through aerials around the Academy her boys were on, while TIE fighters that had been waiting for them chased them and were chased, she found herself terrified again. 

And she embraced her terror, and closed her eyes, and _breathed_ \-- 

\--and she was calm. 

~+~

He was pushed into a cell, left alone, and as soon as the door closed he ripped the dead man's helmet off and gasped the recycled air of the station. Around him sirens blared, and he knew something had happened - knew that something was even more wrong. 

There were too many 'troopers on the station, and he had heard something about intruders in the airspace, and Red and Blue shouldn't have appeared until he gave the signal - but he was _pretty_ sure it was them giving the Order hell out in the remains of General Leia's home. 

Running shaking fingers through his hair, he stared at the helmet of the dead man for a long time and hoped that Finn was okay. 

~+~

"If you want to survive this, follow these two," Finn told the children before him. He had taken off his helmet the moment the sirens blasted through the air, his unit following his lead. He crouched in front of a small girl with dark, dark eyes and a mouth full of teeth, and held out his hand. 

"If you want to live - if you want to survive - if you want to go somewhere warm, where they'll let you sleep as late as you like and eat whatever you want, and you can hold hands all the time if you want to - follow them." 

The little girl stared at him tall and proud despite being the smallest. The others around her gathered close, looking scared and like they were trying to stuff that fear to the very back of their existence. He knew they were; he knew they were trying so desperately to shut off. 

But 'troopers stood before them with human faces, and he knew they didn't know what to trust anymore. 

"If you _want to live_ \--" 

The little girl took his hand, and Finn breathed a sigh of relief and handed her over to Len and Blackjack immediately. 

He watched as each child took each other's hand and followed after. 

~+~

Somehow through the mess of it all, Rey got onto the Academy and started running through the halls, following Force and gut instinct and panic. 

She saw 'troopers with their helmets off, and recognized them as Finn's small unit; saw T'keigh and Hana as they punched their way through detainment and made their way into the fray. 

She turned down familiar-unfamiliar hallways and lifted her hand, Force-throwing the two guards in front of the door she knew were there. She ripped the door off, too, just because she could - because she _needed_ to, and burst inside. 

Poe stood in front of her, wide-eyed and hair wild, and for just a millisecond everything was quiet before the sounds of blaster fire were heard behind them, and Rey reached back, _breathed_ , and summoned a blaster into her hand. 

She handed it to Poe. He took it, stepped close to her, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

"Where's Finn?" 

"Knowing Finn? Still saving the kids." 

"Right." Rey stepped away, turned, and rushed back out into the chaos of the Academy; Poe at her heels. 

~+~

Poe had decided, sometime between his last time on a First Order ship and the moment Rey appeared like a miracle, that it would be best if he just went with whatever life decided to throw his way. 

Stormtrooper coming to the rescue? Why not. 

Jedi randomly appearing when everything appeared to be going to hell? Sure. 

It, honestly, gave him less of a headache. 

~+~

Finn watched as the last of the teenagers clambered into the escape shuttles, glancing back at him as if waiting for him to shoot them in the backs for daring to wish for life. 

He smiled, instead; smiled and watched as, one by one, the shuttles ejected, on a trajectory course for safety; watched as X-wings broke off from battle to ensure that the kids were safe and weren't shot down by enemy and friendly fire alike. 

His unit was lost to the fray of the unexpected battle; blaster fire filled the air, and he vaguely remembered Jakku and the stink of plasma and fear-sweat that choked him. Remembered Slip's bloody hand marking him forever and ever. 

He imagined that he saw everything tinged in red. 

Familiar footsteps came up behind him, and Finn turned; stared into the reflective helmet of _Her_ \- and his smile widened. 

"FN-2187." 

"Finn," he said, still smiling; because somehow, somehow, helping kids escape (even if he was too late for some; even if the teenagers were too broken already, _even if_ \--) gave him a purpose more than saving Poe or saving Rey or saving the galaxy ever had. "My name is _Finn_." 

"You are a traitor." 

"I am a liberator," Finn said, and he stepped forward; _She_ loomed over him, tall and foreboding and a giant among the rank and file. She was a Stormtrooper, the model example of a Stormtrooper - the _perfect Stormtrooper_ \--

\--and she still stood out, and he thought that perhaps that was her own little rebellion. 

"I am an individual. I am a _person_ \- not a tool, not a cog, not another piece of the machine. I am _more_ \- I am more than you, more than the Order, more than a Stormtrooper. I am _human_. 

" _Traitor_." 

"What's the difference?" 

She lifted her blaster, hit him across the temple; made him see stars. He stared at her, right in the face; stared into the blank, reflecting mask and his own face stared back. Defiant and bloody and _alive_ and more than she would ever be. 

She fired. 

~+~

Rey skidded to a stop, breathing hard, and stared at the man across from her. 

The smoky black thing that was Kylo Ren swirled around her as she stared at the man himself. Pale and shaking, feet spread apart and hands clenched into fists. A scar marred his face, and he had Han's nose and General Organa's eyes and Luke's chin and Anakin Skywalker's anger. 

He stood before her, shaking and breathing harshly and for a moment she imagined snow and blood and a dying sun. But then the Academy rocked, and she was brought back to the present, and Poe stood at her back and stared at Kylo Ren as if he had seen a ghost. 

"You need to leave," she told him quietly, and he stared at her, betrayed, and she smiled. "I'll be okay. You need to leave. You need to find Finn." 

Kylo Ren straightened up; his grip on his lightsabre tightened. Behind him, the shadowy echo of Anakin Skywalker stood behind him; staring at the failure he had become and wondering why history repeated itself so damn much. She remembered a vision in a forest cave; remembered the great looming figure with the mechanical breath morphing into the whip-thin man. Remembered his words before he disappeared. 

_You'll do_. 

"Find Finn," Rey said again, and finally Poe stumbled back and ran off in a completely different direction. Rey turned back to Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren, who used to be Ben Solo - Ben Organa - Ben Solo-Organa, a boy made from love and light who was poisoned with Dark. Kylo Ren who killed his own father to try and learn who he was. 

Kylo Ren who still had Light in him, but was no longer good.

The hallway was filled with sputtering, dying red; the 'sabre shrieking into life and screaming its brokenness. And Rey wrapped callused fingers around her own, and it hum-thrummed around her as it glowed green-yellow light. 

They watched each other for long minutes. 

Kylo Ren lurched forward. 

~+~

Poe ran and he ran and he ran, and he remembered when he was a kid and played _Rebel versus Stormtrooper_ and always got to be the rebel.

He remembered yelling out _FOR THE REBELLION!_ and running head-on to his friends playing the 'troopers, and they would all collapse and laugh themselves sick because Poe's secret weapon had always been tickling. 

Poe remembered his mother and father watched the shenanigans from the safety of their front porch; the way Kes Dameron would smile and Shara Bey would laugh with the children, because it was all a game, then. It was all a game and no one got hurt. 

But now people got hurt: Blackjack lying on the ground, bleeding from the neck; slow, blackish blood and eyes that saw nothing - so far gone that if Poe stopped he'd be wasting time. Saw Len kneeling next to Niels, holding a wad of cloth to his stomach, telling him to stop kriffing _moving_ so he could administer a bandage. 

Now he saw 'troopers collapsing their knees, bleeding from their chest; fumbling with their helmets because like _hell_ they were going to die just another number. Just once, just _once_ they were going to be human; and they died, helmets not-quite-off, fingers slack, and they never got to be _people_. 

It wasn't a game. People got hurt. Friends got hurt. 

He stopped and saw Finn standing over a body in chrome, holding his side; his side, bleeding, bleeding, bleeding out over the white of the armor. His head bloody and tacky and making him sway.

Finn was hurt. 

"FINN!" 

Finn looked up at Poe, smiling - and passed out. 

~+~

It was light. And warm. And soft, like feathers - like snow - like Poe eyes and Rey's smile and General Leia Organa's hands and Han Solo's heart and Chewbacca's hugs and Luke Skywalker's sadness. 

It was weightless. Sirens sounded in the background, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away-- 

Slip's bloody hand reached up and smeared over his eyes; Zeroes crackled blue before his chest blossomed into red, red blood. Nines stared at him, their eyes wide and dark and their small, soft mouth full of bloody teeth. 

The little girl stood in front of him, so much like Nines but _newer_ , and she reached out her hand and held it out to him. 

"If you want to survive this--" 

He reached out. 

He took her hand. 

The world flared bright and loud and real, before gentle darkness cocooned him, and he forgot. 

~+~

The station rocked, shifted, tilted to the side, and Rey _breathed_ and closed her eyes - and stepped away from Kylo Ren as he swung out at her. 

She bled, burn-scars on her shoulder and ribs and a cut on her temple when Kylo Ren Force-threw her into a wall. He bled, burn-scars from her and sparks from his own 'sabre spitting at him as if admonishing him for his choices. 

Anakin Skywalker watched. 

A shadow that stood so much like Han stood behind him, and Rey reached out and Kylo Ren reached out and the Force _screamed_. 

~+~

"Finn, no, Finn, _Finn_ \--!" 

"Here." Gauntlet-covered hands and a red shoulder patch and a mask, a mask hiding who they were, kneeled and slapped a bacta patch over Finn's side, and Poe watched and waited for the other shoe to drop. 

The captain removed their mask. 

An older woman with wide, wide eyes and a frightened expression stared back. 

"FN-2187 was always good. Was always kind," she said, and her voice was breaking even as her hands stayed steady. "FN-2187 deserves to be a person." 

"His name is Finn," Poe whispered, mouth dry. "His name is _Finn_." 

"He deserves to be Finn." The captain smiled. "I want him to be Finn." 

~+~

His side was cool and his head was over-hot. His back sung choirs of old, sour pain; blood filled his mouth, stained his teeth, drowned him - and it was rebirth. 

She - Phasma - _she_ stood in front of him and called him traitor. Shot him in the side. Deliberately missed his stomach or his chest and he wondered why _he wondered why_ \-- 

\--and a captain came up behind her, and jabbed her in the neck with a medi-droid needle - assuring him she was just knocked out, just knocked out, they could take her _with them_. But she had to go, she had to find something for his side, and she disappeared again--

\--he thought he knew her. Knew her when he was just small, just a child who had never gotten to be a child, clinging onto her hand and crying and shuffling after her because the droids were cold and the droids were cruel and her hand was warm despite the armor. 

He didn't even remember her name. 

~+~

The Academy rocked and the sounds of batttle were dying as 'troopers died and 'troopers surrendered and Resistance died and Resistance won and Resistance escaped in whatever craft was left. 

The Academy rocked, and Rey rocked with it, and Kylo Ren rocked against it and stumbled back and _snarled_. 

Anakin Skywalker's anger and General Organa's deep-seated hate woven together in a station on the remains of a dead people. Rey wondered if Kylo Ren knew the stories of Alderaan - if he stepped onto the station, in the grave of the dead, and tasted grave-dirt in his mouth. 

Rey remembered Jakku sand in her mouth - it covered her and bathed her and wore her down and she once had thought it would bury her, too. 

He lunged forward. The Academy rocked. He stumbled back, stumbled back, fell and rolled. 

Rey turned and ran; a battle for another day. 

She had to find Poe. 

She had to find _Finn_.

~+~

"You need to _go_." 

"I'm not leaving without her!" 

The captain, who was called Ascendant, who called herself Ace, because captains got _names_ , pushed him towards the cockpit and he resisted. He was Resistance. It was what he _did_. 

She scowled at him, and he scowled back. Immovable object against unstoppable force; a draw, a tie, an impasse. He grinned, sweaty and dirty and bleeding over his eye, and Ace rolled her eyes and groaned. 

Footsteps ran towards them. Both turned their blasters at the source - and Poe sagged, and Ace straightened, as Rey came tumbling towards them. 

"Finn--?" 

"In here, come on, this place is going down." 

Rey scrambled into the ship, and Poe turned to follow; stopped, turned back to Ace. Held out his hand. 

Ace stared at him, wondering at the pilot FN-- Finn, _Finn_ had freed. 

She took his hand. 

Their ship made it off just as the Academy began to break down and crumbled to join the ruins of a life. 

~+~

Hands held his and he breathed and a kiss pressed against his forehead. 

He knew he was safe. 

~+~

When they returned to the Resistance, Lando Calrissian in the lead with the _Falcon_ , Rey learned that Niels and Blackjack had died; that Hana had been shot and T'keigh lost an eye. Learned that Jessika Testor Pava's ship had been shot down, but she ejected and had been picked up by Temmin Snap Wexley - because they were _friends_ , and friends didn't leave friends to die in space. 

She learned that five new pilots died, and Jessika dislocated her shoulder, and Wedge Antilles was in critical condition and surviving by the skin of his teeth - injured defending the children. Learned that most of the children had gotten to the base - but one shuttle had been shot down, life lost, life _wasted_. 

She learned that Captain Phasma was bound and taken to the cells with Nines. Learned that Nines had managed to kill themselves in their cell and was found dead hours after they had revealed treachery; blood in their mouth, staining their teeth. All of Finn's old squad, gone - more blood and decay.

She knew that Poe was okay, if not tired; that the eight 'troopers in the ship with them, all with helmets off, were deserters and terrified that they were going to be executed. Knew that the captain called Ace knew Finn and patched him up. 

She knew Finn was going to be okay. 

She followed after him to medical, Poe beside her, BB-8 _whirrwhoopbeepwhoowhizzz_ ing in distress as neither paid attention to it. They followed and they watched as doctors and droids patched him up and made him whole again. 

They went to his side as soon as they were allowed, and Poe took his hand and pressed it to his lips, and Rey took his other hand and pressed it to her pulse; both reassuring him, even unconscious, that they were alive and whole. 

Rey reached out across the bed. Poe took her hand. She closed her eyes, and _breathed_.

**Author's Note:**

> Poe Dameron is a demisexual biromantic.   
> Rey is a greysexual panromantic.   
> Finn is an asexual panromantic.   
> Luke Skywalker is a bisexual aromantic. 
> 
> And this is it! This is the end! I'm so glad people liked this series at all, and I hope that this was okay? I struggled a lot with writing it, so if it's not the best then that's okay, too. But I'm glad you stuck with me throughout this. 
> 
> Honestly this started as just wanting to write about Rey, Finn and Poe and it turned into a monster.


End file.
